Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
