Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
