it hurts more in the daytime
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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