im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
