I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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