my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
