The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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