That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
