i think my tv is drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
