When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
