your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
