i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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