Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
