apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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