if only i could text you this smell
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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