I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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