so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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