who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
