Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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