The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
