Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
