Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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