The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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