he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
