I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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