im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
