I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize