It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
