if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
