She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
