I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
