I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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