you traded sex for a burrito?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
