I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my liver is dry heaving
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
