apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
