Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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