dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
