the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
