So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
