My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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