69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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