May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
