dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
