Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
