Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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