How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
