Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
