I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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