My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
