I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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