Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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