Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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