dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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