just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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