im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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