just survived the first fart of the relationship.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
